First day in 2014 and it is all ready looking beautiful.  The girls, Live and Toria are 3 and 1 now. Blake and I bought our first home June 4, 2013. Other than the whole "our house being infested with lead" Thingy, oh and having to move back in with my parents things have been great!  No wonder I have not had any time to write in my blog. We moved back in about six weeks ago and things (knock on wood) have been smooth sailing!

More than anything in 2013 I learned more about myself and who I really am. Once I began being true to myself was when everything started falling into place. I never had an easy life, but who has? I stopped looking at the trials in a "why me?" way and started enforcing and truly trying to understand just that, "Why Me?". For instance, Why is my sister a heroine addict? is a pretty reasonable question! I started trying to take what I learned from my sister being a heroine addict to help others who are going through what I am or have. Learning how to be still and listen has been a huge challenge for me, but with this new mentality I have been able to face the challenge and grow into a better person. I thought I always had to find the right words to say when someone spoke to me, little did I know that just being there was enough.
  I have traveled the world and dealt with people from every walk of life to gain this knowledge. The bottom line is unfortunately that there are a whole lot more people out there that don't give a shit than there are people that do. Yea sure you have 9,879 friends on facebook but how many of them would pick up the phone to call and see how you are? What if there were no face book? I put this to the test and shut my facebook off for a few weeks and it was amazing! It was the same response I got when I broke my foot and was pleading for help.nothing. wow! reality check! This was when I woke up and realized when I was told family is everything, I should have listened long ago!
I hated the way it made me feel that no one cared about me. I was hurt enough to recognize it and not want anyone to feel the way I did. I honestly look at people differently because of it. I decided it was time for a change. If I can make someone else smile, or let them know their worth even if just for a minute then I will. I do not have a million dollars or a whole lot of time to be able to dedicate but if i give what I can and just share happiness with others I believe that is enough.
Whenever I go into public I keep my eyes peeled for ways I can help someone. Holding a door, running a dropped toy to a child, saying good morning and actually meaning it are all things we as a community should be doing for each other without thinking!! these should not even be considered acts of kindness but being a model citizen. Recognizing the problem and putting the effort in to be the change is a start in the right direction.
I have learned to love in more ways than one. True forgiveness in myself and others. Most importantly I have learned to be comfortable with who I am. I learned how to be a shoulder to cry on without feeling the need to carry the problems on my back. When to shut up or bite my tongue (which I should have learned in the military!)I learned how to be a better parent, student, friend and companion. The only thing about all of the things I learned is I cannot take credit for them.
My husband has been the biggest motivator in my life. The compassion he has for life and everything he does is truly amazing to me. I can always count on him which has been more meaningful than anything else. We managed to grow and bind ourselves closer simply by giving each other the trust, respect and space we each deserved. He taught me to see the beauty inside most importantly giving me the confidence I needed.
2014 is going to be dedicated to being the best me in every way I can. These are the years that matter most in my children's lives and I promise it will be the best times I can provide. I know I have to be at my best and I also know the things I need to do to make me feel at my best. Giving back, living, loving and laughing once again means everything.

I know that was a lot, I hope it was not too scatter brained! I just wanted to get some of this down <3