This looks like my daughter, but who is she?

Olivia is incredible.  She is smarter than I ever knew a two year old could be.  She can count to 12, she knows all of her letters and colors, even her shapes.  This beautiful child has brought the light into my life.  The sweet sound of her laughter and her little angel voice brings joy to everyone around her.  Those beautiful eyes, adorable smile and perfect complexion would make it difficult for anyone not to smile at her.  She is brave and strong, everything I ever dreamed my daughter would be.

The person I described in the paragraph above is who my sweet pea is, but something in her changed as she turned 2.  As I write this blog I am looking back and forth from the picture up top and can hear her playing with her dad upstairs.  I am thinking, what did I do wrong to make her act the way she has recently.  Am I over reacting?  Am I locked in the house too many hours in a week that we battle like we are in WWII? What am I doing so wrong?????

Every thing I ask her to do the answer is no.  She kicks me, hits me, yells at me and is just straight up mean to me some days.  Is there something I have done to make her this way?  Why is my child so angry and defiant towards me?  I am honest to God thankful I have my mother here with me to see the way she behaves some days because I do not think anyone would believe me!  So to get to the bottom of this I have to ask myself, am I parenting her the way I should be?

The answer is YES I am.  No she should not stand up on the toilet and spray her little sister with Lysol. No she should not pour garlic powder all over the house and the dog.  I could go on giving examples but I am sure every mother reading this has her own story she could relate to with me, and if not then please share your words of wisdom with us! I do not think my daughter is acting the way she does because of something I have done.  I believe ( or hoping at least) she is behaving the way she is because she has to learn what we will tolerate and what we will absolutely not. 

Now my daughter is not a terror 24/7.  But look out when she is on one of her tantrums. I am sure I will be completely gray by the time she is a teenager. Screaming for 45 minutes straight and nothing can calm or soothe her is nothing out of the ordinary.  On top of her acting this way I have a 7 month old and sometimes the screaming is just in stereo.  Last night I actually broke down and joined in with them and had a nice cry.  Sometimes there is only so much one person can handle, and spanking a child constantly does nothing but teach them to hit.  How much can you discipline your child??  Sometimes I feel like she is in trouble ALL day and I feel terrible because of it, but letting her get away with everything does nothing good for her. 

My mother was nice enough to stay with the girls during their nap time and give me some time to get out of the house today.  I was able to meet with a wonderful old friend of mine and share our Toddler Terrors with one another which inspired me to write this blog today.  I was so relieved that it was not just me or Olivia going through this alone.  After last night I felt so terrible I was heading to Barnes and nobles to get a parenting book.  Instead I had coffee with my friend, and left with a fabulous new photography book and peace of mind that I am not alone in the crazy world of a toddler.  There are millions of moms going through the same thing we are and not all of them have a friend or the time they can share it with and that's where I come in! 

The reason I am writing this blog today is because I know there is another mother out there asking themselves the same question I ask myself. "WHAT AM I DOING WRONG"  The answer is nothing, unless you are then stop it ;).  But seriously sometimes kids are just going to be crazy and all be can do is buckle up for the ride.  I saw this idea for a calm down jar I think I am going to try, here is the link if you are interested in trying it also.

http://naturebabyrainbowfarm.wordpress.com/2012/03/27/calm-down-jar/


Looking for outlets and constructive ways of disciplining our children is the only thing we really can do.  They will eventually learn their boundaries.  Some days are better than others and that's ok, its supposed to be like that.  Keep a positive outlook on tomorrow, pray and stay strong.  UNWIND! Find something to do when the kids are at rest that makes you feel good.  If you don't feel good the kids will not feel good either.  I hope this post has reached someone in need, because I know last night I sure was. 

As always,

Peace, Love and Happiness to you all

Airman/Mother/Photographer

Creating a blog was something I always wanted to do.  Before I go on random rants or putting my opinions up, I need for people to know who I am.  I am a very strong and independent woman.  The things I mention in this specific blog are very and meaningful to me.  My story goes way far beyond this however 2007 is when my life really took off.  I made the decision at 19 years old to leave my home and everything I ever knew to become a part of the United States Air Force.  I was an American Airman....
 

Becoming a Airman defined who I was.  It took everything I had in me to join, survive boot camp and go through everything the military had to throw at me. Integrity first, Service before self and Excellence in all you do were three standards the AF instilled in me.  I worked as a medical administrator (4AO).  My husband Blake and I met at our first duty station at Yokota AB Japan.  We despised each other when we first met, only to find out we couldn't live without one another.  I got pregnant with Olivia in Japan and received orders to move to Hawaii.  Blake had to separate from active duty into the reserve to be able to follow me there so we could be together. 

I spent 6 months alone in Hawaii.  I kept myself busy by gardening, painting the nursery and setting up the crib.  I created a home for our new family from scratch.  First time pregnancy is scary for anyone, doing it alone in a place where I had nothing and no one to lean on was a struggle.  I went from living in a dorm with everything provided for me to now living in a two bedroom apartment with nothing.  I did not even have a car to get around.  I had support from everyone which made things so much easier.  My mother and brother in-law were always only a phone call away and I talked to my mother for an hour a day on the phone.  The separation was hard on Blake as well.  Not being able to be there to help with anything was frustrating for him, but we survived.  Everything came together and made me more prepared to welcome my new family with a level head.  All the time alone did me justice and I learned that positivity is a must in any trying circumstance. I gained confidence and pride in myself for being able to do everything on my own.

Blake arrived in Hawaii 10 days before our sweet Olivia was welcomed into the world.  Life was hectic going from being kids parting in Japan, to being separated for over 6 months to now living together in Hawaii with a brand new baby.  We were so far away from family still so it was on us to learn how to care for her ourselves.  We had a blast!  Life was great for the most part.  We had our relationship problems but what 22 & 23 year old with a baby doesn't?! We were suddenly adults and life took some time getting used to.

Blake proposed to me on the beach one beautiful night in Hawaii.  I love searching for seashells so he had taken me for a walk along the beach to do just that! He then got down on one knee, which I had not even noticed because he said he wanted to show me the "shell he had found".  When I looked down and saw the ring it lead into the most beautiful proposal I could have ever imagined.  It blew my dreams out of the water, I will never forget that night.  We were married in Kansas June 4, 2010.   

 

Over time I became a robot in my daily duties at work and fell into a "blah" routine.  I was no longer challenged and had no one I truly looked up to that made me want to further my career. The Air Force was good to me.  I met some of my life long friends that to this day I talk to on a regular basis.  There is good and bad everywhere in this world, and as I sit and look back on my career the bad was not so bad.  I had potential to be a great leader and part of me is sad I let go of that, but there are reasons for everything. I will not question them because I feel in my heart I did the right thing.

 

 

Shortly after we found out we were expecting our second child together we decided it was the right thing to do for me to separate from the Air force.  I never expected it would be such a emotional struggle transitioning into the civilian world.  Putting sweat, blood and tears into the Air force then all of a sudden letting go and walking away from it is not anything I can put into words.  Life as a civilian was now the unknown to me and we all know how scary the unknown can be.  Most people would be more afraid to be a service member, but for whatever reason it was the opposite for me. Suddenly my pride for being a Airman came back and I was torn deciding what was the right decision to make wold be.  I knew it was time to let go and close that chapter of my life, either way I had to because the papers were signed.  We moved back to Boston where I am originally am from to start the next chapter of our lives.

 

 

The first few months home felt like we were home on leave.  We came home in February and Blake had landed a job by April.  Being 7 months pregnant and home with a toddler, reality started to kick in.  It was actually harder staying at home for me than it was to wake up and go to work.  Who knew being a stay at home mom was harder than serving for our country?!?  Life was hectic as we all grew accustomed to our new schedules and roles in the family. Time flew by and before we knew it June had arrived and we were ready to welcome our baby girl into this world.  Life was changing for us once again.  Everything was falling into place the way we had planned, or so it had seemed.

I went into labor around 7PM June 18, 2012.  Contractions were every 30 minutes and were not very strong until about 11:30 PM.  Blake called the hospital at 12 and we arrived to Melrose Wakefield Hospital by 12:30AM.  After 2 hours of hard labor with no pain medicine, 2 pushes later we had our baby girl Victoria Pearl Navarrette.  From the second she came out I knew something was wrong.  She had a mix of purple and blue predominate spots that started on her face and within minutes she was covered in them.  The nurse was was sure it was a reaction to the Hep. A vaccine and continued to assure us they would go away.  As we were transferred from labor and delivery to our recovery room Victoria was taken so the doctors could have a closer look at the spots.

Because we had been up all night our nurse got us settled in the room and said she would bring the baby back as soon as they were done.  15, 20, 30, 45 minutes later I began to worry.  The mix between nerves and medicine they gave me was making my heart race so I had called the nurse looking for Victoria.  As soon as she picked up the phone I could hear the terror in her voice.  Minutes later a team of Doctors came in to let me know they were transferring Victoria to Tuffts in Boston because the rash she has was more serious then they had thought.  They were not able to transfer us together because there was no bed for me but they assured me they would work on it.  I was able to hold her while we waited for the ambulance to arrive.  One of the nurses came in literally in tears streaming down her face and was asked to leave the room.  Before I knew it the doors were closed the incubator was empty and even with Blake and my mother in the room I was more alone than I had ever felt.  Looking down at my belly with no baby inside and no baby in my arms was more than I was ready for. 

The next four hours were the longest four hours of my life.  They had found me a bed and I was transferred alone in an ambulance to be with my newborn.  Blake had the car at the hospital so he was meeting me there after going home and showering.  We were placed on different floors of the hospital because Victoria had to stay in the NICU.  For anyone who has ever had a child will know what their body feels like after birth.  I was still running on pure adrenaline, no sleep, no food, only a mothers instinct to care for her child. Slowly I made my way down to see her still with no real idea why we were even there.  As soon as I walked up to her and said her name she gave me a smile, it broke me and gave me hope all at the same time. 

 

I am going to cut to the chase because there are no real words to describe being told by doctors that your child has a life threatening disease and possibly leukemia .  I spent every moment I could by her side.  So many doctors and nurses came that it made my head spin.  We were discarded by the end of the week with no real answers as to why she had the rash so taking her home was terrifying. We followed up with the Oncologist for months, the poor child had more needles than any infant should have to endure. We were never given a real diagnosis of what she had, only that whatever it was completely vanished.  The rash faded and all of her blood tests came back normal.  After months of confusion and terror for our child it had all come to an end just as fast as she came into the world.  Which seemed to be a pattern in our lives.

 

 

7 months later here we are!  We are all safe and sound and life is going accordingly again.  Now I find myself a 25 year old stay at home mother of two and a wife to a incredible man.  With everything that had happened I was losing touch with who Alison was.  I know my children will not always be children. I however will always be me so losing me is not a good idea!  The strength I gained going through everything I had has made me a new person and finding out who that person is was crucial.

 

 

 

So I asked myself what makes me happy, what do I love doing? Yes I do love being a mom and a wife, I thought working in the medical field was what I was supposed to do.  It seemed easy enough but the feeling of being satisfied was not there.  I started looking through pictures and realized I have pictures documenting every memorable event that has happened over the years and they weren't half bad! Thanks to the military I have great attention to detail and being a mom gives me the sensitive ability to catch all life's precious moments.  I am a photographer!

 

 

I finally feel alive again.  I feel complete.  I am able to care for others by giving them timeless memories at the same time putting my creativity to use.  I always knew I was creative.  I can draw, paint, make all boutique accessories, throw a party like no bodies business..I was just looking for this!  My heart is happy <3 It is challenging and fun all at the same time.  Photography is everything I have always looked for. 

 

I feel grate sharing this story with all of you.  There were details left out, but I am not writing a book I am writing a blog ;)  I hope you enjoyed reading about me and my family.  There will be updates, rants, raves and of coarse PHOTOGRAPHY!  I am looking forward to building this blog and hopefully connecting and meeting new people.  I am always here for anyone to ask questions, share stories or just chat. 

Peace, Love and Happiness to all of you